Modern Day Job Search -- Part 2 -- Follow the Rule of 5+5+5

In our last blog post I talked about how important it is to have the right tools to embark and complete the journey of a job search.  In this blog post I will talk about how important it is to have a road maps as well in this modern day process.

People will often become overwhelmed with all of the options that they have in modern job searching, particularly if they are looking on the Internet.  Where should they start?  Indeed.com?  Monster.com?  What about individual company or agency websites?

This is where the rule of 5+5+5 comes in.  Take a minute to stop and think -- what the five greatest organizations or companies that you dream of working for?  Make a list of those five, and title them the Most Desired List.  Now take a closer look -- are there any that don’t realistically deserve a coveted spot on your Most Desired List?  For example -- if you would love to work for Google, but don’t really see yourself leaving the area and moving to California, then take them off the list.  These five should be your dream locations but they should be reasonably attainable as well.  Even though you don’t have to write down why they are on your Most Desired List, you should be able to articulate that.

The second list that you will create is the top five Job Websites.  These are the aggregated websites like Indeed, Monster or Idealist, if you are in the nonprofit industry.  You may see many of the same jobs across these different platforms because employers may list a position on multiple sites.  However, it is important to know five really well and be sure to be able to navigate them.  These are the five where you should fully complete the profile and list your resume, cover letter, and interests.  In addition, brainstorm five to 10 “job titles” that you will regularly search for.  Not sure what I mean?  In nonprofits we often hire as entry level a position called “Intake Worker.”  Some agencies might call it an “Intake Specialist,” and some may call it an “Intake Assistant” or “Intake Associate.”  Another common entry level position in nonprofit has to do with Outreach.  This may be titled as “Outreach worker,” “Outreach Specialist,” or “Outreach Assistant,” or even “Outreach Coordinator.”  It is sometimes helpful to poke around an organization or company’s website to see what are common titles they may currently be using.

The third list you will create is the top five Stable Employment Locations.  These are the pillars of employment in your community -- the utility companies (natural gas, electric, water company, cable company, etc.), the hospitals, the colleges, universities, school systems, municipal governments, county, state and federal governments.  You need to pick only five that you would take a job with if it were offered tomorrow, and put them on your list.  Be sure to keep it relevant to the type of career that you are looking for -- if you are a nurse, there may be limited opportunities at a utility company, but many more at a school district, hospital or county nursing home.

Once you have your 15 top search locations, write them down or better yet type them into a document that you can open again and again.  Also be sure to put in your brainstormed list of potential job titles.  Now, do your research.  Most of these companies or agencies will have job opportunities listed, even though they may be under the heading “Career,” “Employment Opportunities,” or “Jobs.”  However they are listed, but sure to copy that URL or web address and paste it under or next to the location in your working document.  At the very least, bookmark it.  These are important sites to have.  Being able to click on a link and go right to the job listings will save you time and energy -- and if you search them every day, Monday through Friday, you will also be learning a lot of vital information about the company and their pattern to posting jobs.

We often say that finding a job should be treated like having a job.  What does that mean?  That in order to get a job, you should treat your job search like a job in itself -- decide on your working hours, breaks and what days you will be working, and then follow those guidelines.  At a minimum, these sites should be checked 3-5 times per week.  With a total of 15 sites to look at, that will break down to a minimum of 3 per day.  Some successful job seekers look at all of their top 15 sites daily.

When job searching, remember the rule of 5+5+5 -- Top 5 Most Desired Locations to Work, Top 5 Job Websites and Top 5 Stable Employment Locations.  Not to mention a list of 5-10 job titles you regularly seek.

Modern Day Job Search -- Part 1 -- Do You Have the Right Tools?

"If the only tool you have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail." -- Abraham Maslow

 One of the many programs that The Women's Center offers is The Home to Work Program. It is a job readiness program for displaced homemakers and helps (typically women, though not always) find education, employment or work opportunities. The counselor for this program, Sharon Holtzman, will often say that there are three types of employment -- a career, a job and work. A career is the long term, time-invested, researched series of jobs that come after education or training and careful consideration. Sometimes people work their whole lives within a particular career and sometimes they change career mid-life.

 A job is different. A job is what a person takes when they want to work, but aren't necessarily building towards a particular career, or are past their career days. A job is often one that a person might take because it is available, or they want to try out the work, or they are interested in it. Work -- work is different from either a career or a job. Work is something you go to because you have to or because it's convenient. Work might be part time, or temporary, or fits into your schedule. Work isn't always something an individual is passionate about, but it has some secondary benefit. It is important to know what exactly it is you are looking for -- a career, a job, or work.

 Starting a small business is along the same lines as having a career -- it takes passion and hard work and the long view to start a small business or build up to a career. Regardless of whether you are building a career, searching for a job, or patching together work, it is important to have the right tools. Just like a carpenter or a mechanic would not show up to build or fix something without the right tools, you shouldn't try to do a modern day job search without the right tools.

 So what are the right tools, you might ask?

 1. Up-to-Date Resume

Well, first of all, you will probably need a resume. If this is not something you think you can develop yourself, then definitely get a professional involved. There are social service agencies all over the State of New Jersey that help people to construct resumes, including our job developer Sharon Holtzman. While Sharon's specialization is displaced homemakers, there are additional programs that can help you with a resume. If you want to give it a crack yourself, then Google Docs offers lots of templates to choose from. A resume is a marketing tool, so be sure to include all the details about your skills and employment history that highlight the best of you. Don't include a head shot, your birthday, or when you graduated from high school or college -- that inadvertently tips off a reviewer to your age.

 2. An Interesting, but Not Too Long Cover Letter

 Cover Letters are the first introduction to who you are. Cover letters are the first time someone associates your name with the "brand" of who you are. Make sure the cover letter is well organized and free of errors, but not too long. As close as possible, find the correct address and personal information for where you are applying. Address it to "Whom it May Concern:" only as a last resort. That is a sure way to get it filed in the round file drawer (a.k.a. -- the trashcan). It should also be tailored to the job you are applying for, and include the position. Don't make it too long -- it is just an introduction.

 3. References -- Two Professional, One Personal 

 If possible, use three professional references, and a fourth that is personal, such as family, friend or community member (including clergy). Be sure to check with the individuals first and keep their cell numbers and contact information up to date, particularly in today's day and age when information changes frequently. If you know them professionally, be sure to include their professional affiliation. If you are currently employed and using a co-worker or supervisor as a reference, alert them to the fact that any contact they receive should remain confidential. If you don't trust that it will remain confidential, don't use them. Often resumes state, "References available upon request." Just include your references. With your resume and on your applications.

 4. Job Tracking Log 

A job tracking log can be as simple as journal where you write down all the places you apply to, or as complicated as a spreadsheet. My preference is a web-based spreadsheet with columns that identify the date you sent the resume, how you sent it, who you sent it to, whether you followed up the following week to check on the status and how (stopped in or phone), if you were interviewed, and did you send a thank you note. The bottom line is that finding a career, job or work should be like HAVING a job -- it is something that you do 6 or 8 hours a day. You schedule yourself to do it Monday through Friday, 9-5, not when you're taking a break from the beach. If you want a serious job, you have to treat getting a job like having a job. A job log will help you to organize your leads and track where and when you sent information.

 5. Cheat Sheet for Applications both On and Offline 

There was a time when all applications were paper applications and had to be filled out in the potential place of employment. That can be nerve-racking for many folks, so luckily that has changed. However, while applications can often be filed from your personal computer, that can also intimidate people. To make it a little less intimidating, create a "Cheat Sheet" for yourself. Think of the typical questions asked on any application -- whether its online or paper. Name, address, social security number, employment history, references, skills, training, personal interests. Wouldn't it be easier to think about all that one time, throw it on a cheat sheet, and then just refer to the cheat sheet when confronted with the question? You would be amazed how much easier applications will become.

 6. An Elevator Speech -- Going up? 

While it may seem silly to work on this particular job search tool, it is one that we have really seen work. An elevator speech is your pitch -- your three to five sentence "spiel" when you are faced with someone -- anyone! -- who shows interest in your job search. This is something you should have down cold and can practice in front of a mirror to make it authentic. Don't be afraid to write out the talking points of what you want to say first, and then refine it over time. It shouldn't be longer than the length of time it takes to ride three floors in an elevator. For example, someone laid off from the newspaper industry might say in reply to what kind of work did they do or are they looking for: "I have over 20 years working in the local newspaper industry, and have experience with everything from writing to pre-press composing and typesetting. In my recent years I've spent lots of time training on how papers are now designed and produced completely on computers. I'm interested jobs in graphic design, writing and print production."

 7. A Network 

While this might not be a job tool you can easily hold in your hand, it may be the most important of ALL of the tools. Your networks include your family, your friends, the people you go to church with, the people you have previously worked with, and people in your community organizations, such as Elks or Rotary. Make sure everyone knows you're looking for employment, and what type of employment. This is why an elevator speech is important. No accounts on social media such as Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn? Get on them. That is where your network lives and is waiting to be told or reminded you are searching for employment. If you background (or future endeavors) are professional, then a completed and robust LinkedIn profile will go a long way. And even more important, LinkedIn has their own job listings. Remember a carpenter could never build a house with a socket wrench -- you need the right tools for the task you are trying to complete as well.

 In my next post about Modern Day Job Searches, I will review the Rule of 5+5+5. Be sure to check in.

We Are Atlantic City

Speech from recent Teach-In at Stockton College, 11/6/14:

As I began to prepare for my 15 minutes today at the podium, I was put in mind of the great American writer and storyteller Studs Terkel, who focused on working class people struggling to make it through.  In his book Hard Times: an Oral History of the Great Depression, he writes: ““What I remember most of those times is that poverty creates desperation, and desperation creates violence.”

So I would like to begin by saying that I have spent a 17 year career trying to understand violence.  I work full time as the Coordinator for Community Initiatives at The Women’s Center, a local nonprofit that is focused on ending power based personal violence that happens between people, as well as preventing violence that occurs in communities.  I have come to understand intimately that in fact poverty can create desperation.  

You may be asking why?  Why does poverty create desperation?  I’m not sure I can answer that, but I can say this: I have worked with many women who have struggled with poverty, who have struggled to access the most basic resources, have struggled with the time that is sucked away by social service agencies and public assistance agencies and the constant presentation of hoops that they are required to jump through in order to get their most basic needs met.  Desperation does not come when a family is having breakfast for dinner for the third night in a row because all they have left in the refrigerator is cheese and eggs.  Desperation does not come when a mother has to leave two hours early to take public transportation to a job that is a half hour away by car.  Desperation may not even come when a parent has to take off from a job where they make minimum wage and yet still qualifies for food stamps, in order to attend an appointment that demonstrates that they are still eligible for those services -- and this happens every six months.  Desperation comes from the slow, slow pain of all these million small cuts, all these small gashes that gradually bleed an individual to death. Desperation comes from the grind of living daily with poverty, sometimes in the shadow of significant affluence.

Does desperation automatically create violence?  No, not automatically.  But I can say, in my experience in working with individuals who have believed that violence is a problem solving tool, it is typically a desperate move.  The use of violence doesn’t come as a last resort, a tool that is used after every other tool has been explored and used and found wanting -- too often we live in a world where violence is the first option, the immediate option.  Why?  Is it because that is one of the first lessons we learn, in our households and in our communities?  We solve problems first and foremost through violence?  If the only tool you have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail, as the great psychologist Abraham Maslow said.

By this point, you may be asking yourself, What does this have to do with Atlantic City?  Hold on, I’m getting there.  The message I really came here to say today is that we are Atlantic City, and it is time for us to consider picking up a different tool.  Whether you live in Atlantic City, work in it, or just visit it occasionally for shopping or nightlife -- we are Atlantic City.  The entire financial economy of Atlantic County is tied to Atlantic City.  Our housing markets, the quality of our schools, our small businesses -- their lifebeats begins with Atlantic City.  The human capital that we have in Atlantic County and even to some degree this college, is because our economies -- our financial economy, our social economy, our human ecology -- is connected to Atlantic City.  We, and Atlantic City, are at a crossroads -- do we want to travel down a path of poverty, desperation and potentially violence -- or are we ready to consider what other wrenches and screwdrivers and awls we have at hand.

Atlantic City is in a transition and has been invited, once again, to reinvent itself.  My question to you is this -- if we are Atlantic City, if you are Atlantic City -- what will you contribute to the redefining and reinvention of Atlantic City?  What will you bring as an asset -- what talent, expertise, what energy will you contribute to Atlantic City?  What tool do you have?  If not you, then who?  If not now, then when?  

Too often communities in transition witness the public and social risk without realizing the public and social profits.  In Atlantic City, most of the profits have been private profits, while desperate people and communities have carried the risk.  I ask you now to consider HOW COULD THIS BE DIFFERENT? -- Do you have one innovative piece of the new tool, the new hammer that Atlantic City will use to rebuild itself?  I ask you to consider how Atlantic City can be stronger together than apart.  What relationships need to be established with and between the people who are invested in Atlantic City, so that this transition can result in working smarter, not harder?  What connections need to be made between the various boards, organizations, grassroot movements and stakeholders who care not just a little, but a lot about Atlantic City?  How can these entities be empowered and engaged in such a way that many voices are heard, that many solutions are proposed, that there is a rising tide of people so invested in positive outcomes for Atlantic City that this tide can’t be chastened and AC emerges stronger?

Most importantly, what do you bring to the table?  Are you looking to go into the computer science field?  What app can you write that helps to give voice to those desperate to envision a different AC?  Are you in health sciences?  How can you begin a conversation about community health, and the fact that it starts not with flu vaccines and outreach programs, but with infrastructure and access to nutrition and affordable and safe spaces?  Are you in sociology, or anthropology or education or social work?  You are the potential feet on the ground that can work to make Atlantic City stronger together than apart.  

By taking action, by becoming involved, by being part of the solution, you are automatically resisting the urge to become part of the problem.  By saying “NO!” to poverty, you are saying “NO!” to desperation.  By saying “NO!” to desperation, you are saying “NO!” to violence.  Whenever you say “NO!” to something, you are saying “YES!” to something else.  What are you saying “YES!” to on behalf of Atlantic City?  This is something only you can decide.

Thank you.

Remember. Celebrate. Connect.

October is a busy time of year around The Women’s Center. In addition to being the month of orange and black celebrating Halloween, it is also a month filled with a lot of purple for us -- because October is the month that we honor and recognize the impact that domestic violence has on individual lives and the communities we live in. And purple is the color we use to honor that impact. Why purple? Lisa Bianco was a woman from the Midwest, who had left her abusive relationship in the 1980’s and had eventually worked her way up to being a director of the battered women’s program in her community. Lisa was under the impression that her abuser was in jail -- this was before services like Vine Link were available -- and after his release on a temporary furlough, he crossed states lines, found her and killed her in her home. Her favorite color was purple, and as a tribute to her, her friends and family wore this color to honor her memory. The national movement also adopted this color as the one we use to symbolize the three important themes of Domestic Violence Awareness Month -- mourning and remember those who have died because of domestic violence, celebrating those who have survived it, and connecting professionals, survivors and communities that work to end violence. The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence has a project called “Remember My Name,” that memorializes people who have been killed as a result of DV. Some centers set a place at an empty table to symbolize the impact, some people place flags on their agency lawns to signify the numbers of domestic violence murders. In New Jersey, we have a “Silent Witness” program. Silent Witnesses are wooden silhouettes of women that can be placed in any space. On the front of the silhouettes are cards detailing information about the New Jersey victim and her death. Sadly, every year the list of individuals killed by an intimate partner grows. Celebrating survivors in another aspect of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. At The Women’s Center, we show The Clothesline Project in the community, often at local colleges, and show movies and have events that focused on victims that not only survive but thrive. We also have experiential activities like “Walk in Her Shoes,” that help people to understand the impact of domestic violence on the lives of the individual, their families, and the community. Often during training we talk about acts of violence as a ripple effect -- never is the violence impactful only to the victim. The impact expands out to include those who love the victim, those who care for or about the children in that family, and even to the taxpayers who pay for more police, emergency and medical responses when violence occurs in a community. Everyone loses. Connecting people who want to change the acceptance of the cycle of violence is the third focus of domestic violence awareness month. In addition to the 50-odd staff that are employed by The Women’s Center, we have multiple volunteers in the community working as advocates and ambassadors. These volunteers are often the individuals who connect us first with victims -- tell people in their lives and workplaces about The Women’s Center and the work we do. Even after almost 40 years in existence, there are still people who have never heard of us and the work we do. October -- Domestic Violence Awareness Month -- is about honoring the individuals who do the work as well. The next time you see someone wearing a purple ribbon in October or dressed completely in purple or wearing a purple scarf, be sure to let them know you recognize and honor Domestic Violence Awareness Month as well. Remember. Celebrate. Connect.

Is Janay Palmer Acting Like a Victim? Sure is.

The phones at The Women's Center have been ringing off the hook for the last two days.  They started ringing after TMZ released the video of what happened inside the elevator at the now-closed Revel Casino on that now infamous night in February -- Baltimore Ravens player Ray Rice throwing a punch at his now-wife, then-girlfriend Janay Palmer that knocked her into the elevator railing and out cold.

One of the questions that has been asked frequently: "Is Janay Palmer really a victim?"  Of course, few reporters ask it that directly or impolitely.  Typically, it is framed as a question of trying to understand Palmer's behaviors throughout the event -- did she strike him first (domestic violence can happen to men, too)?  Does her level of intoxication matter in domestic violence incidents?  What does her silence during the two following press conferences say about her?  Why has she recently defended Ray Rice on her Tumblr account?

The one that is particularly prescient is when anyone asks --"Why is the public and the NFL having a intense reaction now that they have seen the video of the knockout in the elevator?"  Indeed.  Why is it that once society actually sees the violence that occurs to Palmer, society has an entirely different perspective on the case.  Society and the viewing public were aware of the fact that Rice knocked her out -- he admitted as much.  People who had previously seen the video of Rice dragging her off the elevator may have told themselves that she was drunk -- and now they know differently.  Once they see that Palmer is in fact blameless -- well, there's no other explanation than that Rice is a person who makes bad choices and deserves all the punishment and exclusion he receives.

And what of Palmer standing by her man?  There have been many questions about why or how she would do that.  Anyone who has experienced domestic violence in their lives knows that this is quite common.  While Palmer may be afraid of the law and reporting a crime, let alone how the public may judge her, she is more afraid of what she would lose with the ending of that relationship.  Domestic violence is a cyclical violence -- not unlike riding a roller coaster.  It has its ups and downs, its good times and bad.  There is the tension building phase, where things start to get ugly, but are not necessarily out of hand.  Then there is the explosion -- a fight, yelling, broken things, thrown things, physical violence maybe -- and then comes the honeymoon phase.  This is the most dangerous.  This is the time when the batterer says things like, "I'm so sorry, this will never happen again," or "It wasn't really that big of a deal," or "I will do whatever you want -- counseling, become sober, whatever."  In the violence against women field, we often call this the hearts and flowers phase.  The person that she initially feel in love with is back.  While this doesn't happen for every unhealthy relationship (some never get to experience the honeymoon phase, it's all just tension and explosion) it happens often enough that we call it The Cycle of Violence.

The honeymoon phase is the most dangerous phase because it gives victims hope.  They see that the person they care about is "back" and can change their behavior.  They are cared for in return and apologies are made.  This is the phase that keeps people from identifying the relationship as being as unhealthy as is it.  Victims typically can't say that it is terrible, all of the time.  There are times when it is different, when the relationship is working, and that gives a false sense of hope that it can be that way always.

Victims have lots of time and energy invested in their relationships, particularly if there are children involved.  Every victim wants to believe that it will be different this time, that this will be the time he changes.  Many victims focuses on the control that this phase of the cycle provides to her -- even if it momentary and fleeting.  But eventually, the tension builds and the explosion comes closer and closer.  Suffice to say that Palmer and Rice are currently in a honeymoon phase -- it is the two of them against the world, a world that judges Rice and finds him wanting for his knockout punch.  Palmer is not a victim -- she is a survivor.  Every day she survives living in an unhealthy relationship where power and control dictate almost everything.

The one question I would ask the reporters if I could would be this -- for how long will this last?  How long will the good times go on for Palmer and Rice, particularly now that so much has been lost.  In a few days or weeks the national attention will turn away from Janay Palmer and Ray Rice, and then what? Will Palmer actually be less safe once the NFL and the Baltimore Ravens have forgotten about their unhealthy relationship, have not realized that he is not in fact a bad man but merely a flawed one that can change if he is held accountable?  At least when Rice was involved in those systems they helped to hold him accountable, the world kept their eyes on him and that pressure may have made him think twice before he re-offended..  The only thing holding Rice accountable at this point is a court (in another state from where he lives) and the same court that considered Pre-Trial Intervention a worthy solution for a third degree aggravated assault.  And once his mandatory anger management counseling is completed, his Pre-Trial Intervention obligations will be mostly completed.  And our eyes will turn away to something else.

What then?

NFL Should Take Domestic Violence Seriously

The National Football League’s Commissioner Roger Goodell has recently been criticized for the two-game suspension of Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice, with fans and members of the community focusing on the fact that the punishment does not fit the crime. Rice, 27, was fined for two games and $529,000, and has admitted that his February, 2014 incident of domestic violence with his wife Janay Palmer at The Revel Casino Resort was a mistake and that he “failed miserably.” In March Rice was indicted by an Atlantic County Grand Jury. By May, he had been accepted into a Pretrial Intervention Program, and his record will be expunged provided he doesn't have any further criminal activity and he receives anger management counseling. (It is important to note that a woman who recently traveled into New Jersey with a legal and registered handgun that she informed the State Trooper that stopped her about was denied PTI by Atlantic County Prosecutor James McClain, but that is a story for another day.)

 Recently, Goodell defended his decision in the Rice case, asserting that it is in alignment with the policies that are set forth by the NFL. “A lot of people are voicing their opinion, but it's important to understand that this is a young man that made a terrible mistake that is inconsistent with what we're all about,” Goodell said. “He recognizes he made a horrible mistake and it's unacceptable, by his standards and our standards. And he's got to work to re-establish himself. And the criminal justice system, as you know, put him in a diversionary program with no discipline. We felt it was appropriate to have discipline and to continue the counseling programs and to continue our educational work.” Educational work from the NFL would be a wonderful thing -- it if existed. Ever see a spot from an NFL commissioner, coach or player expressing how harmful domestic violence is to a family and community? Me neither. And this is after a December, 2012 incident when Kansas City Chiefs Player Jovan Belcher killed his girlfriend and then committed suicide at Arrowhead Stadium. Belcher was 25 years old and left surviving an infant child. The Belcher incident is one of many ties that the NFL has had to domestic violence over the last two decades.

 But the NFL does pay attention to violence -- provided it happens on the field. Interestingly, on August 5, 2014, Martellus Bennett of the Chicago Bears was suspended indefinitely for an altercation of rookie player Kyle Fuller in practice. Football is a sport known for its aggressive actions and violence on the field, but does Bennett’s suspension vs. Rice’s suspension indicate that the NFL takes what happens to players’ teammates more seriously than the violence that happens to players’ partners, girlfriends and spouses? By downplaying the impact of domestic violence on families’ and communities’ lives, the NFL is reinforcing the age old idea that a man’s wife or girlfriend is his property, and not that a marriage is not something that an institution like the League should get in the middle of. The League feels the right to intercede in violence that happens between players, but when it happens between a man and his wife, well, that’s a different story. Domestic violence is chalked up as a “mistake” -- an accident where the individual at fault didn't really intend to do all that damage. 

Beliefs such as women being the property of men are exactly why domestic violence happens in the first place. The “formula” of violence against women includes three main elements -- seeing the woman as less than or less worthy than the dominant partner, essentially reinforcing that she doesn't have the same power he does. The second element is viewing the woman as an object -- a sexual object, a decorative asset, or an ends to a means (like producing children), not as a whole person, equal to the man in the relationship. The third element is treating someone like they are the property of the man -- everything from not using her full or chosen name or talking about her as an extension of the dominant individual, and not an independent being with her own ideas, perspectives and goals. 

Ray Rice and his wife Janay Palmer are apparently receiving counseling, but in Rice’s press conference in May, 2014, they couldn't have looked more distant. Palmer never looked at Rice, and received no apology for his actions. Rice talked the entire time, barely looking at Palmer, or even acknowledging that she sat at the table with a mic in front of her. His most recent press conference, at the end of July, was not much better. Palmer was present, but was above him in a balcony, away from reporters and mics, and again, silent. He talked about being “man enough” to admit he needed help, but didn't refer to Palmer as anything other than “my wife.”

 At The Women’s Center, we talk a lot about Tony Porter’s theory of The Man Box, and how boys and men, especially athletes, have to keep up the premise of this facade. It not only keeps their behavior tightly scripted, but it also means that they struggle to be liberated in having emotion, self identifying their worth, and understanding their roles as husband and fathers in a way that doesn't include power over but power with. At TWC, we don’t offer anger management -- it is not about Rice being able to “manage” his emotions, but to understand the impact his actions and choices have on the people around him.

 We offer Batterers Intervention Services, which we call “Fathers Ending Abuse,” a curriculum which includes the constraints and pitfalls of The Man Box. We work with young men and boys before they are in their first relationship about the roles that they may someday play as fathers and partners, and that these relationships can buck society’s messages and be ones filled with mutual respect and equality. We do all this on a tight budget and minimum resources -- so if the NFL wants to contribute some of that $529,000 fine to a local non-profit in the Atlantic City area, we’ll be able to put it to good use preventing boys and men in our community from seeing the women in their lives as property. As for Ray Rice -- batterers have to want to change, and have to be self admitting to the impact that their actions have on others lives. They also need to be held accountable by systems, not get off with a slap on the wrist. Without that accountability, they only getting smarter and more covert in covering up their abuse.

The Lasting Effects of Superstorm Sandy

For over 38 years, The Women’s Center has been supporting families through personal crises such as domestic violence, sexual assault, and poverty and homelessness. We have provided shelter for thousands of families over that time, and have helped many people find safety from the impact of these events in their lives. 2012 and 2013 brought a new experience for the seasoned staff at The Women’s Center -- providing services to a community impacted by natural disaster. It doesn't seem apparent right away that there would be a link between Superstorm Sandy, which hit in October, 2012, and providing services for victims and survivors of power based personal violence. However, research shows that not only is there a link, but that the instances of occurrences of personal violence increases while funding decreases. To understand why, we have to first understand the dynamics of dysfunctional relationships. A relationship that has one partner that is highly controlling and struggles with communication, consensus building and shared decision making may be an unhealthy relationship, but an unsafe relationship is a whole other entity. An unsafe relationship includes instances of power of one partner over the other, dominance, control, and often violence through actions or words. Unfortunately, a community crisis like a natural disaster will add extra stress on the healthiest of relationships. Consequently, both unhealthy and unsafe relationships ricochet into overdrive when a storm like Sandy hits. The first 24-48 hours after the natural disaster can be extremely tension and danger filled for victims and their children. However, hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, etc, all have a lasting impact. Available and affordable housing is often during lost natural disasters, so a victim who was creating a safety plan and attempting to leave an unsafe situation now has less options. There is also the added mental stress of dealing with the services, insurance companies and state and federal relief programs that are available after a Superstorm Sandy. These are often applied for and awarded as a family, and so the necessity of these services may keep some couples together that would otherwise not be. 18-24 months after the natural disaster, research tells us, we will see increases in requests for services. Relationships that were stretched thin and don’t have strong foundation or resiliency will not survive the disaster, and some will end through violence. All of these increases in need and demand for services will happen at the same time that federal and state funding will be diverted to recovery efforts after the storm. Private donor dollars will go to disaster relief funds, and organizations like The Women’s Center will see a decrease. Even as the community rebuilds, any organization that provides services to families in the community will need more funding but actually see less of it. As we approach the one year anniversary of Superstorm Sandy, boardwalks are being rebuilt, homes raised in flood prone areas, and tourists are returning to the beaches. But the lasting impact of the storm for the social service community and those of us who support victims of power based personal violence is only just beginning to become apparent. To truly be stronger than the storm, we will need many things -- safety, resiliency, communication, and support. All of these are things The Women’s Center has been providing for over 38 years.