The Lasting Effects of Superstorm Sandy

For over 38 years, The Women’s Center has been supporting families through personal crises such as domestic violence, sexual assault, and poverty and homelessness. We have provided shelter for thousands of families over that time, and have helped many people find safety from the impact of these events in their lives. 2012 and 2013 brought a new experience for the seasoned staff at The Women’s Center -- providing services to a community impacted by natural disaster. It doesn't seem apparent right away that there would be a link between Superstorm Sandy, which hit in October, 2012, and providing services for victims and survivors of power based personal violence. However, research shows that not only is there a link, but that the instances of occurrences of personal violence increases while funding decreases. To understand why, we have to first understand the dynamics of dysfunctional relationships. A relationship that has one partner that is highly controlling and struggles with communication, consensus building and shared decision making may be an unhealthy relationship, but an unsafe relationship is a whole other entity. An unsafe relationship includes instances of power of one partner over the other, dominance, control, and often violence through actions or words. Unfortunately, a community crisis like a natural disaster will add extra stress on the healthiest of relationships. Consequently, both unhealthy and unsafe relationships ricochet into overdrive when a storm like Sandy hits. The first 24-48 hours after the natural disaster can be extremely tension and danger filled for victims and their children. However, hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, etc, all have a lasting impact. Available and affordable housing is often during lost natural disasters, so a victim who was creating a safety plan and attempting to leave an unsafe situation now has less options. There is also the added mental stress of dealing with the services, insurance companies and state and federal relief programs that are available after a Superstorm Sandy. These are often applied for and awarded as a family, and so the necessity of these services may keep some couples together that would otherwise not be. 18-24 months after the natural disaster, research tells us, we will see increases in requests for services. Relationships that were stretched thin and don’t have strong foundation or resiliency will not survive the disaster, and some will end through violence. All of these increases in need and demand for services will happen at the same time that federal and state funding will be diverted to recovery efforts after the storm. Private donor dollars will go to disaster relief funds, and organizations like The Women’s Center will see a decrease. Even as the community rebuilds, any organization that provides services to families in the community will need more funding but actually see less of it. As we approach the one year anniversary of Superstorm Sandy, boardwalks are being rebuilt, homes raised in flood prone areas, and tourists are returning to the beaches. But the lasting impact of the storm for the social service community and those of us who support victims of power based personal violence is only just beginning to become apparent. To truly be stronger than the storm, we will need many things -- safety, resiliency, communication, and support. All of these are things The Women’s Center has been providing for over 38 years.

What does it mean to be a “Man” in our society?

So many stories to choose from, so hard to decide which to write about….A Kansas City professional football player who kills his girlfriend and then himself? No. A small town in Ohio that supported the football team even after two of their players were accused of sexually assaulting and urinating on a girl’s face? Where would I even start with something like that? How about the latest sports controversy – the Rutger’s basketball coach is fired after video tape surfaces of him kicking student athletes, throwing balls at their heads, and using gay slurs to “motivate” them? Sure. Some men I have dialogued about this incident are not clear why the coach would be fired about this. Abusive motivation like this is typical in high stakes athletics. It is not unusual to have a coach who rages and throws fits and attempts to energize his players with his emphasis. However, unusual as it may seem to the rest of the world, in the sports world where competition is fierce and to make it to the top, you have to give it your very best; this is normal. However, as I reviewed the video clips of Coach Mike Rice, I didn’t focus on his behavior. I have seen and heard abusive behavior; I am familiar with what it looks like. Instead, I focused on the expressions and body language of the players that were being targeted. If you have an opportunity, I urge you to go back and take a second look at the video, this time focusing on the student athletes. Some look annoyed, many looked defeated, and none look motivated. Some even begin to slow down or sag a little from the torment. This incident puts me in mind of the work of Tony Porter and Ted Bunch at A Call to Men. This innovative organization focuses on men and boys as being part of the solution to ending violence against women and has long talked of sports cultures and manhood and their enmeshed connections. In Tony Porter’s TEDWomen Talk in 2011, he states that he asked a young boy, a football player, how he would feel if his coach told him he was playing like a girl. Porter expected him to say I would feel sad, or mad, or I wouldn’t like it. Instead, the boy says, “I would be devastated.” If calling a boy athlete a “girl” would devastate him -- then what message are we sending to men and boys about the value of women and girls? If we are trying to motivate men and boys into higher athleticism by comparing them to women and gay men – as the coach at Rutgers was doing – are we intrinsically saying that women and gay men are lesser? It is time to examine the culture of manhood, and we can’t do that without examining the culture of athleticism, sports and competition as elements of what our society values in manhood. Are there other options than telling a man every day of his athletic career such choice phrases as “take your skirt off,” “stop being such a nancy,” “grow a pair?” Is the only way we motivate men and boys to perform at high levels in athleticism is through violent words and – in the Rutgers’s coach’s case – actions? Is anger the foundation of athletic performance? And if it is, what are we teaching our boys and men who are athletes, about controlling themselves and their emotions?