NFL Should Take Domestic Violence Seriously

The National Football League’s Commissioner Roger Goodell has recently been criticized for the two-game suspension of Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice, with fans and members of the community focusing on the fact that the punishment does not fit the crime. Rice, 27, was fined for two games and $529,000, and has admitted that his February, 2014 incident of domestic violence with his wife Janay Palmer at The Revel Casino Resort was a mistake and that he “failed miserably.” In March Rice was indicted by an Atlantic County Grand Jury. By May, he had been accepted into a Pretrial Intervention Program, and his record will be expunged provided he doesn't have any further criminal activity and he receives anger management counseling. (It is important to note that a woman who recently traveled into New Jersey with a legal and registered handgun that she informed the State Trooper that stopped her about was denied PTI by Atlantic County Prosecutor James McClain, but that is a story for another day.)

 Recently, Goodell defended his decision in the Rice case, asserting that it is in alignment with the policies that are set forth by the NFL. “A lot of people are voicing their opinion, but it's important to understand that this is a young man that made a terrible mistake that is inconsistent with what we're all about,” Goodell said. “He recognizes he made a horrible mistake and it's unacceptable, by his standards and our standards. And he's got to work to re-establish himself. And the criminal justice system, as you know, put him in a diversionary program with no discipline. We felt it was appropriate to have discipline and to continue the counseling programs and to continue our educational work.” Educational work from the NFL would be a wonderful thing -- it if existed. Ever see a spot from an NFL commissioner, coach or player expressing how harmful domestic violence is to a family and community? Me neither. And this is after a December, 2012 incident when Kansas City Chiefs Player Jovan Belcher killed his girlfriend and then committed suicide at Arrowhead Stadium. Belcher was 25 years old and left surviving an infant child. The Belcher incident is one of many ties that the NFL has had to domestic violence over the last two decades.

 But the NFL does pay attention to violence -- provided it happens on the field. Interestingly, on August 5, 2014, Martellus Bennett of the Chicago Bears was suspended indefinitely for an altercation of rookie player Kyle Fuller in practice. Football is a sport known for its aggressive actions and violence on the field, but does Bennett’s suspension vs. Rice’s suspension indicate that the NFL takes what happens to players’ teammates more seriously than the violence that happens to players’ partners, girlfriends and spouses? By downplaying the impact of domestic violence on families’ and communities’ lives, the NFL is reinforcing the age old idea that a man’s wife or girlfriend is his property, and not that a marriage is not something that an institution like the League should get in the middle of. The League feels the right to intercede in violence that happens between players, but when it happens between a man and his wife, well, that’s a different story. Domestic violence is chalked up as a “mistake” -- an accident where the individual at fault didn't really intend to do all that damage. 

Beliefs such as women being the property of men are exactly why domestic violence happens in the first place. The “formula” of violence against women includes three main elements -- seeing the woman as less than or less worthy than the dominant partner, essentially reinforcing that she doesn't have the same power he does. The second element is viewing the woman as an object -- a sexual object, a decorative asset, or an ends to a means (like producing children), not as a whole person, equal to the man in the relationship. The third element is treating someone like they are the property of the man -- everything from not using her full or chosen name or talking about her as an extension of the dominant individual, and not an independent being with her own ideas, perspectives and goals. 

Ray Rice and his wife Janay Palmer are apparently receiving counseling, but in Rice’s press conference in May, 2014, they couldn't have looked more distant. Palmer never looked at Rice, and received no apology for his actions. Rice talked the entire time, barely looking at Palmer, or even acknowledging that she sat at the table with a mic in front of her. His most recent press conference, at the end of July, was not much better. Palmer was present, but was above him in a balcony, away from reporters and mics, and again, silent. He talked about being “man enough” to admit he needed help, but didn't refer to Palmer as anything other than “my wife.”

 At The Women’s Center, we talk a lot about Tony Porter’s theory of The Man Box, and how boys and men, especially athletes, have to keep up the premise of this facade. It not only keeps their behavior tightly scripted, but it also means that they struggle to be liberated in having emotion, self identifying their worth, and understanding their roles as husband and fathers in a way that doesn't include power over but power with. At TWC, we don’t offer anger management -- it is not about Rice being able to “manage” his emotions, but to understand the impact his actions and choices have on the people around him.

 We offer Batterers Intervention Services, which we call “Fathers Ending Abuse,” a curriculum which includes the constraints and pitfalls of The Man Box. We work with young men and boys before they are in their first relationship about the roles that they may someday play as fathers and partners, and that these relationships can buck society’s messages and be ones filled with mutual respect and equality. We do all this on a tight budget and minimum resources -- so if the NFL wants to contribute some of that $529,000 fine to a local non-profit in the Atlantic City area, we’ll be able to put it to good use preventing boys and men in our community from seeing the women in their lives as property. As for Ray Rice -- batterers have to want to change, and have to be self admitting to the impact that their actions have on others lives. They also need to be held accountable by systems, not get off with a slap on the wrist. Without that accountability, they only getting smarter and more covert in covering up their abuse.